The World of Donatainous
Grand Negus Olimar Offbridge
Tycoon and Economist
He was born poor, and his situation only got worse until he was five. Though he was counted as a no count street urchin by most everyone, he had discovered something: no one cared if he was around, and they would talk about anything as if her were not. He told a merchant that had been good to his parents his discovery, and the merchant began to pay him a meager wage to spy for him. Offbridge would get reports of shipments, overflows, and shortages. The merchant took this information and put it to work and made his business grow. He continued to give Offbridge a meager wage and told him to stay calm.
He did stay calm; even when the constables came and arrested the merchant for espionage he stayed calm.
He took what he had been able to save from his pay and bought a good outfit and began working in a tailor’s shop.
He did not like working at the tailor’s shop. He was hired to carry fabric around and learn to sew, something he could do without. The tailor’s shop began to decline due to his lack of business smart; Offbridge stepped up and used his business sense to salvage the shop. He began to be dissatisfied with learning from the tailor, and asked to work only on the books and therefore be part time.
He filled his spare time by finding other businesses that were struggling and getting them to pay him to optimize their business – no small task given that he was eleven. After a year, he had become the financial adviser for most of the businesses in the city.
The Grand Negus died many years later without a successor. After much deliberation and some bribing, the Negus’s advisers devised a way to pick the nest Negus. Each of the advisers or a champion if the adviser was too old would choose a nation’s economic problems to solve.
Offbridge had become a business leader, but he lacked the pull to get his name on the list of candidates. After many sleepless nights, he finally figured out how to get his name on the list. The next morning, he went to the Great Exchange and shouted, “I will go to ”/wikis/kkla" class=“wiki-page-link”> K’kla!"
The advisers were taken aback, but he had been the first and only volunteer to go there. They put him on the list.
Offbridge knew nothing about K’kla except that they hated men, and he knew that was a problem. He thought he could get a little more time to study and propose a solution if he dressed as a woman. He was a strapping man, but made a rather ugly woman.
He was in their land all of thirty minutes before he was ambushed, bound, gagged, and pulled through the forest by his ankles. The entire scenario had him scared, but he did his best to keep his composure and remember to scream like a girl.
When they finished dragging him through the forest, his frilly pink dress had been torn and his wig had been pulled off revealing his shining bald head. They drew their weapons and shouted something in K’kla he did not quite understand.
He replied in the best high pitch K’kla he could manage, “Your system is breaking down.”
They kept their weapons on him and said, “Who told you this? How do you know?”
He was unsure what answer would keep him alive, but he though the more powerful the better, “I have known this myself.” He knew he used the wrong verb, but it seemed to have a good effect.
One took her weapon back, and inquired further, “What power gave you this knowledge?”
He quickly looked them over. They looked tribal, one wore a set of holy symbols, and the other wore a top that looked neither comfortable or functional meaning that it was likely religious or tradition. He guess that they were superstitious, and decided to play that he was a religious character. He was first going to say prophet or priest, but he realized that they often die, then it stuck him. He bellowed, “I am Ohahot, god of balance and commerce.”
The one with the necklaces around her neck put her spear closer to his neck, “gods cannot die by mortal hands, shall we test your words?”
He retorted faster than he thought, “Stupid girl, do think your people’s tiny problem required the full presence of the Ohahot? I have sent an Avatar to you. It has only a fraction of my awesome power, but its death will incur my full wrath.”
She pulled her weapon back and helped him up, “I am sorry, sir. I did not know.”
“Ignorance of the law is no excuse, but you will have time to work off your debt.”
They took him into town and after making sure no one would kill him, took him into the elder’s tent.
The elder was a woman who looked so old that Offbridge feared she might know he was lying because she used to baby sit Ohayot. Her hearing and sight were as aged as her body so she was unable to bear witness for or against him. The elder’s daughter however had her doubts.
It took him a short time to see what system the women that captured him though he said was breaking. The village had many houses, but only half or fewer of them were being used: the population was shrinking. Discovering why took more time. He knew he could not ask direct questions since he was posing as a god, and he could not wander around to find the problem because he was a man. Even if he knew why the population was low, he still had to fix an economic system as well.
Adding to his problems was that the elder’s daughter wanted to prove he was a liar.
Through round about questioning, he found out that they were only able to captured a man once a year or so, and after one of the women laid with him, he would be killed. He knew the village died due to lack of procreation, but he still had not found the answer.
When moral and tolerance for him was wearing thin, he finished his plan for fixing the systems. He posited that they should keep a man as a stud for multiple days, then inform his people of his ransom cost. Until the ransom was met, they would use the man as they pleased.
When he proposed this to the tribe, the elders daughter asked if he would like to be the first one to test out his theory. He and the necklace wearing guard were surprised, and made a break for the woods.
After spending the whole night running they made it to the edge of the woods.
He returned to the Great Exchange about an hour before the nest Grand Negus was named. He expounded on his adventure to try and be named instead. His adventure had been the most costly, but “Anything stolen is pure profit.” He was named the Grand Negus.